Thursday, 2017-06-29, 0:31 AM

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Here are some SARDARJI's  achievements 
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A sardarji was working as editor in a daily
newspaper. Once he was travelling to Bombay to
deliver a speech about railway department
improvements. His coach was the last coach in the
train. The train was moving very fast and so
sardarji's coach was jerking heavily. This made
him not to prepare for the speech. Annoyed by the
event, next day in the meeting, his first point
towards improvement of railway deparrtment was
""There should not be last coach in any train.""


Banta singh finished his English exam and came
out. His friends asked him how did he do his
exam, for that he replied "Exam was okay, but for
the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought,
thought ... and atlast I wrote THUNK !!!"


Sardar gets an oppurtunity to fly to a near by
country. Sardar never has been on an airplane
anywhere and got so excited and tensed. As soon
as he boarded the plane, a BOEING 747, started
jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat
and shouting 'BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!!
BOEING....'. He forgets what's around, and even
the pilot in the cock-pit could hear the noise.
Annoyed by the sound, the Pilot came out and
shouted 'BE SILENT!'. There was pin-drop silence
every where and everybody is looking at the Sardar
and the angry Pilot. Sardar starred at the Pilot
in silence for a moment and all of a sudden
started shouting, 'OEING ! OEING!! OEING!!!
OEING!!!...'.


Two Sardarjis went into a pub and after ordering
two beers took some sandwiches out of their
packets and started to eat them. 'You can't eat
your own sandwiches in here,' complained the
pub-owner. So the two sardars swapped their
sandwiches.


Mr. Jaswanth singh went to a grocery stores
collected the grocery and came to the counter and



person at the counter started preparing bill for
the items. Singh asked " Where is the fat ?" ,
person didn't understand what singh was saying and
said " Excuse me sir, FAT???" Sardar : "Yes Fat,
Give me the fat" Sardar started shouting and
arguing with the person and all people gathered
and Manager of that grocery stores came there and
asked sardar about the problem. Then sardar said,
Hey Manager! Look, I took a yogurt from your
stores and it was written "FAT FREE" on that but
this guy is not giving me the fat.


In a party one of Zail Singh's friends asked him
How many chappathis he could eat in an empty
stomach. Zail replied "Seven". Then his friend
told him "When U eat the first chappathi your
stomach is no longer empty .Then how can U eat
seven ??". Zail was impressed by this tricky
question. So as soon as he went back home he
asked his wife " How many chappathis can you eat
in an empty stomach ??". She replied "Five".
Then Zail told " Shit!! If only you had told
seven I had a nice reply for it"


One day sardarji decides that he is fed up of
Sardarji being called fools. So he decides to
fool the others and show them that they too are
fools. Our friend goes to the top of Kutubminar
in delhi and peeps down from the top with a lot of
interest. Somebody taps him on the back and asks,
"Sardarji what r u looking" our freind replies
"sssssshhhhhhh, Stand in the line.." After
sometime ,somebody asks the same question to the
second guy and he gives the same reply. This goes
on . After a while our freind sees that the line
has reached the bottom of kutubinar. So he feels
very happy that he has succeeded in fooling so
many people & decides to tell turn back. He does
so , and... HE SEES A LINE OF SARDARJI'S ALL THE
WAY TO THE BOTTOM


Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his
University final examination which consists of Y/N
type questions. He takes his seat in the
Examination hall, stares at the question paper for
five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration
takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts
tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y
for Heads and N for Tails. Within half an hour he
is all done whereas the rest of the class is
sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he
is seen desperatley throwing the coin, swearing



and sweating. The invigilator,alarmed, approaches
him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I finished
the exam in half an hour". "But yaar", he says, "
I am rechecking my answers."



Here is the unpublished paper for PEMEE (Punjab
Engineering and Medical Entrance Examination)


-PUNJAB ENGINEERING & MEDICAL ENTRANCE EXAM-


Time Limit: 3 Weeks


1.
What language is spoken in Tamil Nadu ?
2.
Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian
Empire with particular reference to
architecture, literature, law and social
conditions
-OR


give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.


3.
Would you ask William Shakespeare to (a) build
a bridge (b)sail the ocean (c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY
4.
What religion is the Pope?
(a) Jewish (b) Catholic (c) Hindu (d) Polish (e)
Agnostic (check only one)
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0
meters?
6.
What time is it when the big hand is on the 12
and the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given?
(approximately)
8.
What are people in India's far north called?
(a) Westerners (b) Southerners (c) Northerners
9.
Spell- Bush, Carter and Clinton
10.
Six kings of India have been called Akbar
,the last one being Akbar the Sixth. Name
the previous five.
11. Where does rain come from? (a) Macy's (b) a
7-11 (c) Canada (d) the sky
12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of
Relativity? (a) yes (b) no

13.
What are coat hangers used for?
14. The "Jana Gana Mana " is the National Anthem
for what country?
15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic
Equilibrium
-OR


spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.


16. Where is the basement in a three story
building located?
17.
Which part of India produces the most
oranges? (a)Gujarat (b) Russia (c) Canada
(d) Pakistan
18. Advanced math. If you have three apples how
many apples do you have?
19.
What does AIR (All India Radio) stand for?
20.
The University of Chandigarh tradition for
efficiency began when (approximately)? (a)
B.C. (b) A.D. (c) still waiting
You must answer at least three questions correctly
to qualify.


__________________________________________________________


A sardarji is standing on platform no.1 waiting
for the punjab mail toarrive. There is an
anouncement "Passengers to note.. Train no 234 dn
Punjab mail from New Delhi will be arriving on
`platform` no.1 shortly." Hearing this sardarji
gets panicky..He immediately picked up his
baggage, jumped on to the railway track and stood
there..


Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife these days
because somebody had told him that it is wrong to
sleep with married women..



Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City
to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and
gentlemen, one of our engines has failed.. There
is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take
an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have
three engines left." Thirty minutes later the
captain announced, "One more engine has failed and
the flight will take an additional two hours. But
don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two
engines." An hour later the captain announced,
"One more engine has failed and our arrival will
be delayed another three hours. But don't worry
... we still have one engine left." A sardarji
passenger turned to the man in the next seat and
remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up
here all day!"


Diana murder mystery solved The latest theory is
that the driver of the Mercedes, Henri Paul, was
actually a sardar whose family migrated to France
when he was 3 yrs old. His name was Harvinder
Singh Pal, and later he changed it to Henri Paul.
But what is in a name, after all ! Once a surd,
always a surd !


And so when the Paparazzi chasing the car shouted
Diana, Diana , at 80 mph , Harvinder tried to take
a right turn.( daina right in hindi ...........
The rest, as they say, is history
!!....................)


Three men were applying for the same job as a
detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish,
and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask
each applicant just one question and base his
decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man
arrived for his interview, the chief asked him,
"Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man
answered without hesitation "The Romans killed
him." The chief thanked him and he left. When
the Italian man arrived for his interview, the
chief asked the same question. He replied "Jesus
was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked
the man who then left. Finally the Sardarji
arrived for his interview, he was asked the same
question. He thought for a long time, before
saying, "Could I have some time to think about
it?" The chief said, "OK, but get back to me



tomorrow." When the Sardarji arrived home, his
wife asked "How was the interview ?". Pat came
the reply, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already
investigating a murder.


One day there was a Bihari going in a Fiat Car at
45KMPH on a high way and enjoying his drive.
Suddenly a Sardaji came Booiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn on a
Honda and peeped into the car and shouted at the
Bihari - ' Kabhi honda chalaya kya?' and sped
off, The Bihari was surprised but he did not
bother. After some time the Sardarji came
Booiiiinnnnnnnnnnn... in the opposite direction,
peeped into the car and shouted again ' kabhi
honda chalaya kya?' and sped off , This time the
Bihari was annoyed , since the sardar was teasing
about his driving. After some time again the
Sardar came back speeding and said the same thing
peeping into the car . The Bihari was about to
say something but the Sardar sped off. This time
the Bihari increased his speed but suddenly
stopped as he found the Sardar lying on the road,
bleeding. He got down and mocked at the sardar '
Kyon Sardarji , Kabhi Honda chalaye kya?' The
sardar said ' Wohi to puch raha tha , Mein Brakes
ke liya doond raha tha'


Santa and Banta Singh were bitter enemies. Santa
lived on the 1st and Banta on the 7th floor of the
same building. One day the lift was out of order
and Banta Singh decided to play a trick on Santa
and called him for dinner to his house at 7:30 pm.
So Santa huffing and puffing manages to reach the
7th floor. To his dismay he finds a big lock on
the door and a message - 'HA HA ULLU BANA DIA!'
Santa is angry but thinks a lot and finally writes
his reply below Banta's message - 'MAIN TO YAHAN
AAYA HI NAHIN THA!!'



There was a Sardarji who was down on his luck. In
order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a
kid and hold him for ransom. He went to the
playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree,
and told him, "I've kidnapped you." The Sardarji
then wrote a note saying: "I've kidnapped your
kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag
& put it beneath the mango tree next to the slide
on the north side of the city play ground".
Signed, "A Sardarji". The Sardarji then pinned
the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to
show it to his parents. The next morning the
Sardarji checked, and sure enough a paper bag was
sitting beneath the mango tree. The Sardarji
opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a
note saying, "How could you do this to a fellow
Sardarji ?!"


Hi friends, Let us take a look at the report
submitted by sardar to his manager after
completing his Y2K verification task.


**********sardar.txt**********


Dear Sir, Our staff has completed the 18 months of
work on time and on budget. We have gone through
every line of code in every program in every
system. We have analyzed all databases, all data
files, including backups and historic archives,
and modified all data to reflect the change. We
are proud to report that we have completed the
"Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now
implemented all changes to all rams and all data
to reflect your new standards: Januark, Februark,
March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September,
October, November, December As well as: Sundak,
Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak Thursdak, Fridak,
Saturdak I trust that this is satisfactory,
because to be honest, none of this Y to K problem
has made any sense to me. But I understand it is
a global problem, and our team is glad to help in
any way possible. And what does the year 2000
have to do with it? Speaking of which, what do
you think we ought to do next year when the two
digit year rolls over from 99 to 00? We'll await
your direction."


Very Sincerely IQ Singh Y2K Project leader


HERE ARE SOME SARDARJI JOKES ......... ENJOY


You should be sure the person is Sardar when he:



Puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to
makeup his mind.
Gets stabbed in a shoot out.
Sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
Tries to drown a fish in waters.
Thinks socialism means partying.
Trips over a cordless phone.
Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says
"Sign Here" he puts "Sagittarius."
Studies for a blood test and fails.
Sells the car for gas money.
Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
Drives to the airport and sees a sign that said,


"Airport left", he turns around and goes home.
Gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the
floor.


Q: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?" Sardar:
"No, who wrote it?"
Sardar ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he
should cut it in six or twelve pieces. "Six,
please. I could never eat twelve pieces."


Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie? Because below
18 was not allowed.


How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear.


What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his
mouth.


How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday? Tell
him a joke on Wednesday.


What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands
tightly over his ears? Trying to hold on to a
thought.


Why do Sardars work seven days a week? So you
don't have to re-train them on Monday.



Why can't Sardars make ice cubes? They always
forget the recipe.


How did the Sardar try to kill the bird? He threw
it off a cliff.


What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.


What do you see when you look into a Sardar's
eyes? The back of his head.


What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand
grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.


What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).


What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.(Again, T silent)


Why do Sardars always smile during lightning
storms? They think their picture is being taken.


Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their
shoes? Toes Go In First.


How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax? It
has a stamp on it.


Why can't Sardar dial 911? They can not find the
eleven on the phone


How do you get Sardar on the roof? Tell him the
drinks are on the house.


"Oh, look at the dead bird." Sardar looked
skyward and said "Where, Where?


What do smart Sardars and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.


Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman
as opposed to a regular one? You have to hollow
out the head.


SARDAR'S BMW


BMW cars were having back mounted engines earlier.
Sardar Hari Singh Purchased a new BMW and was
driving back to home very happily. On the way the
car broke down. Sardarji came out of the car and
opened the bonnet, trying to fix up the problem.
Immediately began to sweat. By that time Sardar



Gani Singh came by that way and saw our sardarji,
totally confused and sweating, trying to search
something inside the bonnet, and asked him what
was the matter. Hari Singh: "The BMW people made
me fool. They have given me the Car without the
engine." Gani Singh: "Don't worry. I have spare
engine in the back of my BMW. You can take that."


TO LOOSE WEIGHT...


The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight
kilometers a day for 300 days, he would loose 34
kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called
the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but
he had a problem. "What's the problem?"asked the
doctor. "I'm 2400 kms from home."


SPARE BOMB


Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh got fed up with
the Indian Govt and decided to blow up the
parliament. They took 2 bombs, put them in a
suitcase in the front seat of their car and set
off. Hari Singh asks "What happens if the bombs
blast off now". Gani Singh says "Don't worry. I
have a spare bomb in the back seat"


Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh walked toward
each other on a country road. Hari Singh carried
a burlap bag over his shoulder. "Hey Bhai," Gani
Singh drawled, "what's in the bag?" "Chickens,"
was the reply. "If I guess how many, can I have
one?" "You can have both of them." "OK, Five?"


Our Sardar is walking down the street and sees a
man jumping up and down on a manhole cover yelling
"86, 86, 86". He asks the man, "Excuse me, but
why are you jumping up and down on this manhole
cover and yelling '86, 86, 86'?" The man says,
"Well, I can't tell you that, but if you really
want to know, I can let you go under there and
find out. He thinks for a moment, then his
curiosity gets the better of him, and he says,
Okay." The man lifts the manhole cover, He steps
into the manhole, and the man puts the manhole
cover back and starts jumping up and down on it
yelling "87, 87, 87"...



EMPLOYMENT?


Our sardarji was filling up an application form
for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled
NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column
Salary Expected : He was not sure as to what to
be filled there. After much thought he wrote :
Yes


AT INDO-PAK WAR


Once in the Indo Pakistan war, Pakistan was
fighting fiercely and capturing everything in
sight. A sikh camp called Gurudwara hideout was
crucial to defend from the pakistanis as it
contained all the defence secrets. The pakistani
forces surrounded the base and the sikhs had
thought that they had lost the battle but,
suddenly out of the bushes jumps Cptn. Hari Singh
wearing a Maachar dani! (mosquito net) He Pulls
out his AK-47 rifle and fires like mad. The
pakistanis run off quickly. The next day Hari
Singh gets a medal.His freinds ask him "Yaar thu
maachar daani kyon pehenke gaya tha?" Hari Singh
replies "Maachar daani itni patli hote hain ki
agar maachar nahin ghus sakte, goli kahan se
ghussenghi? In the following war Hari Singh
retires and his son Gani Singh (No Assumptions
Please!) joins the army. Pakistanis are again
surrounding the Gurudwara hideout, the sikhs again
think they've lost the war but out of the bushes
erupts Gani Singh wearning nothing he tries do
shoo away the pakistanis like his father did but
instead gets shot.In the hospital his friends tell
him "aare yaar, therre bap me to itni akal thi ki
vo maachar daani pehin ke gaya tha, aur tu nunga
chale gaya" Gani Singh replies "aare yaar main tho
odomos lage ke gaya tha"!


HEIGHTS OF REVENGE


Talking about those days when there were no
mosquito repellents and wehad to spend sleepless
nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same
every time he tries to sleep,one mosquito comes
and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn,
guooonn." He getsvery irritated. He tries to
cover his ear but the problem remains persistent.
Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in
his hand.He is very kind and not for the blood
shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as
he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja



machchar, bete so ja". After some time he finds
the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his
hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn,
guoooonnnnn."


DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE


Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay.
They managed to get into a double- decker bus.
Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat,
But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top.
After a while when the rush is over, Santa went
upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh. He met Banta
in a bad condition clutching the seats in front
with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Are
Banta Singh! What the heck's goin' on? Why are
you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there
?" Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a
driver.


CHANDIGARH OR JALANDHAR


sardar was going to Chandigarh from pune by a
air-india plane. He was alloted the middle seat
of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the
sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window
side seat which was actually for an old lady.After
some time the old lady came and requested the
sardarji to leave the side seat. But the Sardaji
told: "I want to see the view from the window and
shall not leave". The old lady then complained to
the air hostess. The air hostess came and
requested the sardarji to leave that seat. But
sardarji was adament and did not to leave. Then
the air hostess went and told the asst capt. He
also came and requested, but in vain. Finally the
Captain came. He whispered something in the ears
of the Sardarji, and the sardarji immedietly left
theside seat and returned to the middle seat.
Astonished, the airhostess and the asst. capt.
asked the capt.what he told to the Sardarji Capt.
replied: "nothing. I just told him that only the
middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others
will go to Jalandhar."


SARDAR THIEF


Santa Singh was shifting his residence. He was
packing his belongings. By midnight hewas too
tired and dozed off with the house door open. A
sound woke him up. A thief was packing valuables.



Banta Singh found it very amusing; the thief was
doing the job for him! "When this smart guy
finishes packing, I will catch him". Banta was a
hefty guy; so when the burglar finished packing,
Banta Singh jumped on him and tied him up. Then
he went to the police station and reported the
matter. "What did you do to the thief"? "I tied
his hands; you come and collect him". "I hope you
tied his legs too". Banta Singh felt a cold
feeling in his spine; he had forgotten about the
legs. He sat down for a while. Then he cheered
up and said, "Inspector Sab, the thief, he will
still be there". "How do you know"? "Well, that
fellow is also a Sardarji".


KHALISTAN JOKES


Khalistan National Drink: Sarbat Khalsa.


Khalistan National Bird: Tandoori Chicken.


International Airline: Kitthe Pacific.


National Airline: Itthe Pacific.


National Anthem: Sten-a gun-a man-a


National Taxi Service: Kar Seva.


National song: Bande marte hum.


Female terrorist: Hard Kaur.


National dish: AKALI-DAAL.


Sikh scuba diver: JULL-UNDER SINGH.


Better adapted sikh diver: JULLUNDER SINGH GILL.


PROFESSOR SARDAR


Sardar Singh was very keen on doing his Ph.D. He
was in search of a subject on which no one did any
research before! As he was thinking over it, he
found a cockroach on the table in from of him. He
decided instantly to do a research on the roach.
He picked the roach and put it in the centre of
the table and said: "Run". The roach ran. He
pulled out one leg of the roach, put it again in
the centre of the table and said: "Run". The
roach ran. He pulled one more leg of the roach,
put it again in the centre of the table and said:



"Run". The roach ran. This way the roach tried
to run even when it had just one leg. He pulled
last leg of the roach, put it again in the centre
of the table and said: Run". The roach could
not! Our Professor was satisfied with his study
and started writing his thesis: "When you pull
out all the legs of a roach, it cannot hear
anymore".


COLOR TV


Sardarji is buying a TV."Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure." "Give me a green one, please."


CROCODILE BOOTS


Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you


bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off


to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is


being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and


watch him killing a huge one . He walks over the


reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims


"71st and again barefeet!"


____________________________________________________________


LONG FLIGHT


Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take
to fly to Amritsar?" " Just a sec," comes an
answer "Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs
up!


TRAIN TO LUDHIANA


Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway
station. Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take
this train to Ludhiana?" "No," answers the
Railway man. "Can I?" asks Gani Singh.


Sardars' Business There were 4 sardars in Mumbai.
They decided to start a business. After
considerable discussion they finally decided to
start a hotel. They selected the best of
locations and cooks and built the hotel. The
hotel was inaugurated and was awaiting its first
customer. The sardars waited and waited but
nobody turned up. The story was the same the next
day. A week passed, but nobody turned up. WHY ?
........... B'coz there was a sign at the entrance



"Visitors not allowed" After the failure of their
hotel they decided to start an auto garage. They
bought the best of car servicing equipment's and
soon started the garage. The 4 sardars waited
that day for the first car to arrive but no car
entered their garage. They waited for one day, 2
days, a week but no car came to their garage. WHY
? B'coz their garage was on the first floor.
After this failure they decided to fall back on
the good old taxi driving. They bought a new
Premier Padmini running on CNG and began to look
for passengers. They drew past Churchgate but
nobody hailed their taxi. They went to Nariman
point yet nobody hailed their taxi. They drove to
Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody
hailed their taxi. In desperation they kept on
driving all around Mumbai but alas no one hailed
their taxi. WHY ? B'coz all the four sardars
were sitting in the taxi!! All the 4 sardars were
very disgusted with their naseeb and decided to
push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines.
They started pushing their taxi. They pushed the
whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did
not move even an inch. They decided to rest for
the night and start the next day. The next day
the story repeated itself. The taxi just wouldn't
move. They pushed for a whole week but the taxi
wouldn't budge. WHY ? B'coz two sardarjis were
pushing from front and two from behind.


Suicidal Sardar An American, an Italian and a Surd
were doing construction work on scaffolding on the
20th floor of a building... They were eating
lunch and the American said, "Corned beef and
cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one
more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this
building." The Italian opened his lunch box and
exclaimed, "Pasta again! If I get pasta one more
time I'm going to jump off, too." The Surd opened
his lunch and said, "Paratha and dal again. If I
get paratha and daal one more time I'm jumping
too." Next day - The American opens his lunch
box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his
death. The Italian opens his lunch, sees pasta
and jumps The Surd opens his lunch, sees paratha
and daal and jumps to his death also... At the
funeral..... The American's wife is weeping...She
says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of
corned beef & cabbage, I never would have given it
to him again! The Italian's wife also weeps and
says " I could have given him pizza or lasagna! I
didn't realize he hated pasta so much." Everyone
turned and stared at the Surd's wife... "Hey,
don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own
lunch!"



Surd Freedom Fighters Once there was a meeting of
all the Surd freedom fighters. They were planning
for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point,
"Oh.. we'll get Punjab from India but how would
we develop it?" That was a difficult question
indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No
problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over us
and then we would be a state of USA and we'll
automatically get developed." All the surds
became happy on this very simple solution but an
old surd did not utter a single word. Someone
asked him why he wasn't happy. The surd replied,
"OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT..WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY
CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????"


Surd with his new Maruti Sardarji bought a brand
new Maruti and decided to drive down from
Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandhar to meet his
friend. He reached there in a few hours. After
spending a few days there, he decided to return,
and called up his mother to expect him in the
evening. But he didn't reach in the evening, and
not the next day either. When he finally reached
home on the third day, his disrtraut mother ran
and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya ?" The
sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long
journey, and said, "Oy, ye Mrutti wale pagal ho
gaye nain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaae
nain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik ?"


The Train Driver One train which was going
peacefully on the rail-tracks suddenly deviated
from the tracks and went to the fields nearby and
then came back on the tracks. The passengers were
horrified. On the next Railway station the driver
was caught : He was found to be a Sardar. When
he was questioned. He explained that there was a
man standing on the track and he was not moving
from there even after lots of honks etc . Then
authorities questioned : Sardarji are you mad!
just to save life of one person you put life of so
many passengers under danger. You should have run
over that person . Sardar said : Exactly, that
is what I also decided, but this idiot started
running towards the field when the train came very
close.


The Graffiti Santa Singh was walking on the road
and paused to read the graffiti on the wall. It



read "Padne waala gadha." (one who reads this is
an ass) Santa Singh sat on a nearby bench, and
after much thought erased it and wrote "Likhne
waala Ghadah". (One who wrote this is an ass)


Sardarji is traveling in the same train


compartment with a girl. He pulls out a metal


plate and starts playing it "Ding. Ding.Ding."


The girl gets annoyed "You stop that." He stops


and they travel for a while. Then when the night


comes the girl takes off her clothes, looks at


him and asks "Do you want to do IT?" He says


"Yes". "Goahead." He pulls out his plate and


starts playing "Ding. Ding. Ding."


****************************************************
Elizabeth Taylor once boarded a plane. Everybody
around greeted her. Since the plane was crowded
she had difficulty in finding a seat. She saw our
Sardar Balwinder Singh who was sitting next to a
vacant seat.She went up to him and introduced
herself saying in her cool sexy voice, "Hi, I am
Elizabeth Taylor... Liz to you." Balwinder was
bewildered but immediately responded, "Hi I am
Balwinder .. Balls to you."


****************************************************


Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One
of them was crying like anything. So the other
asked,"Why are you crying?" The first one
replied, "I came here for blood test" Second one
asked,"So? Are you afraid?" First one
replied,"No, not that. During the blood test they
cut my finger" Hearing this the second one started
crying.The first one was astonished and asked
other, "Why are you crying?" The other replied,"I
have come for my urine test."


****************************************************


There were these three guys, a surd, an Italian,
and a Jewish guy.They all worked together at a
factory. Everyday they notice that theirboss
leaves work a little early. So one day they meet
together and say that today when the bossleaves,
they'll all leave early too. The boss left and so
did they. TheJewish guy goes home and goes to
rest so he can get an early start. TheItalian guy
goes home and cooks dinner. Our Banta goes home
and walks to his bedroom.... He opens the door
slowly and sees his wife in bed with his boss..!



He shuts the door and hurries out of the house!
The next day the Italian and Jewish guys are
talking and plan to go home early again. They ask
Banta if he wants to leave early againand he
says,"no." They ask him why not and he says,
"because yesterday I almost got caught."


**************************************************


There's a funeral procession of a sardar going
on a busy street. Allthe sardars in the 'mayyat'
are dancing the bhangra and singing and general
'balle balle' is on. The people on the street
find it strange that instead of mourning everyone
is celebrating as if its a marriagebaarat. So one
of them asks Santa Singh, "Singh saab, aapka koi
sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach raheho?"
...... comes the reply, "Ha ji ! Hai hi baat bade
khushi ki !!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar *brain*
tumour se mara hai !!!!"


*************************************************


Santa and Banta work in a software company. One
day, they were to move their m/cs to another
building. Banta was having a tough timecarrying
his machine. Santa : "My m/c has 500 MB disk.
See how easily I am carrying it. Yours has just
250 MB. Can't you carry even this much?" Banta :
"But yours is empty and my disk is full"!!!


**********************


Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his
knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw
him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are
you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied "I
am thanking Him for seeing to it that Iwasn't
riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would
have been missingtoo."


***********************


A sardarji with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor askedhim what had happened to his ears
and he answered, "I was ironing a shirtand the
phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I
accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my
ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in
disbelief. "But .. what happenedto your other
ear?" "The scoundrel called back."


*********************


Our sardarji was filling up an application form
for a job . He promptly filled the columns titled
NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then the column SEX. He



was not sure as to what to be filled there.
Aftermuch thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On
seeing this in his appln. form,he was told that
it was wrong and what they wanted it to be
filledwas either MALE or FEMALE. Again our sardar
thought for a long time before coming up with the
answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.


*********************


Santa Singh and Banta Singh were sitting on a tree
and Santa Singhwas singing a song. After 4 songs
Santa Singh hung himself upside downand started
singing again. Banta Singh : Santa Singh what is
the matter with you? Why are youhanging upside
down? Santa Singh : I am singing the B side.


*******************


Sardarji goes to the movies and he happens to be
going for everyshow of the same movie for a week,
when someone stops him and asks, "Kyonsardarji,
itni aachi lagi kya ki roz har show ke liye aar
rahe ho?" Sardarji replies "Ek scene hai jahan ek
ladki apne sare kapde utardeti hai lekin thabhi ek
saali train saamne se nikal jati hai. Saalitrain
kabhi na kabhi to late aayegi heh heh!"


******************


Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the
railway tracks and hetakes along some wine and
chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks,
"kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji
replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se
namarjaun"


mother of a sarder wrote......


Pyaarey puttar, I'm writing this letter slow,
because I know you cannot read fast. We don't
live where we did when you left home. Your dad
read in the paper that most accidents happen 20
miles from your home, so we moved. I won't be
able to send you the address as the last Sardar
who stayed here took the house numbers with
them for their next house,so they couldn't have
to change their address. This place is really
nice. It even has a washing machine situated
right above the commode. I'm not sure it works
too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled
the chain and haven't seen them since. The
weather here isn't too bad. It rained only
twice last week. The first it rained for 3
days and second time for 4 days. The coat you



wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would
be a little too heavy to send in the mail with
all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and
put them in the pocket. Your father has
another job. He has 500 people under him. He
is cutting the grass at the cemetery. Your
sister had a baby this morning. I haven't
found out whether it's a girl or a boy, so I
don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your uncle, Jatinder fell in a the nearby well.
Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought
them off bravely and drowned. We re-cremated
him and he burned for three days. Your best
friend,Balwinder is no more. He died trying to
fulfill his father's last wishes. His father
had wished to be buried in the sea after he
died.your friend died while in the process of
digging a grave for his father. There isn't
much more news this time. Nothing much has
happened. Love Mom.


P. S : I was going to send you some money but
the envelope was already sealed.
The Sardarni asked her lover, Santa Singh were out
on a romantic evening. She said to him, "Santa
Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a
ring?" "Sure" replied Santa "What's your phone
number?"


A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop.
Finally the bus arrives and he gets in. The bus
is fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardarji
orders Bihari to tell a joke. Now, the Bihari
thinks he's in big trouble because he knows only
sardar jokes!After thinking for some time he
decides to substitute all references to 'sardars'
in his joke with 'Biharis'. He starts the jokes
with, "There was once a Bihari..." And suddenly
he gets a major blow on his back from one of the
sardarjis who shouts, "Kyon be! Sab sardar mar
gaye hai kya?"


Santa Singh applied for an engineering position at
an MNC office in Amritsar. Reddy from Chennai
applied for the same job and both applicants
having the same qualifications were asked to take
a test by the Department manager.Upon completion
of the test, the results showed that both men only



missed one of the questions. The manager went to
Santa and said, "Thank you for your interest, but
we've decided to give the job to Reddy".Santa:
"And why would you be doing that? We both got 9
questions correct. This being Punjab I should get
the job!" Manager: "We have made our decision
not on the correct answers, but on the one
question that you got wrong." Santa: "And just
how would one incorrect answer be better than the
other?" Manager: "Simple, for the question that
both of you got wrong, Reddy put down 'I don't
know' as the answer.And you wrote 'Neither do I'!"


FIRST FRIEND: You know, I faced a tiger today!


SECOND FRIEND: Oh really, what happened?


FIRST FRIEND: The tiger looked into my eyes and I


looked into his eyes...


SECOND FIRST: Then what happened?


FIRST FRIEND: Then I moved forward...


SECOND FRIEND: What!


FIRST FRIEND: I had to see other animals in the
zoo...


A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at
the Jullundhur zoo. Knowing that he could hop
high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence.
He was out the next morning, just sauntering
around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up.
Again he got out. When the fence was forty feet
high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the
kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?" The
kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless
somebody locks the gate at night!"


Santa Singh was brought to court on charges of
drunken driving. Just before the trial there was
a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the
gravel on his table and shouted, "Order! Order!"
Santa responded immediately, "Thank you , your
honour! I'll have a scotch and soda."



Santa Singh and Banta Singh were discussing how
they would like to die. Santa said, "When I die,
I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did,
in his sleep. I don't want to die screaming like
some of his friends, who also died at the same
time." Banta asked, "How did his friends die
screaming while your grandfather died sleeping
peacefully?" Santa Singh replied, "His friends
were the passengers in the car he was driving."


sardar jokes......... A number of Indians were
discussing who the most Patriotic Indian citizen
was. Some said they always saluted the National
flag wherever were and hence were the most
patriotic. Others said that whenever they heard
the national anthem being sung, howsoever faintly,
they immediately stood at attention. Likewise
everyone was boasting about how patriotic he/she
was. A Sardarji from Punjab was keeping mum while
the discussion happened. Everybody asked him why
he was so quiet. Some even remarked that the
Sardarji was not a true patriot and hence had
nothing to say. Hearing this the Sardarji
immediately flew into a rage. "I have kept quiet
till now only because I was felt like crying on
hearing your foolish talk about patriotism. How
does it benefit the Nation if you salute the Flag
or do stand at attention on hearing the national
anthem? A true patriot should be like me. 365
days, 24 hours my radio set is tuned to Pakistan
Radio at full volume". "But how is that a
patriotic act?" someone asked. The Sardarji
said, "Arrey you don't understand. If nothing
else we can at least harm the Pakistanis by
consuming as much of their electricity as
possible".


1) A sardarji joined a big Multi National Company
as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the
pantry and shouted into the phone,"Abey saale!
Get me a coffee quickly!" The voice from the
other side responded,"You fool you've dialed the
wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking
to, dumbo?" "No", replied the trainee. "It's the
Managing Director of the company, you fool!" The



sardarji shouted back, "And do you know who YOU
are talking to, you fool?" "No.", replied the
Managing Director. "Good!", replied the sardarji
and put down the phone!


***********************


2) One Train which was going peacefully on the
rail tracks suddenly deviated from the tracks and
went to the fields nearby and then came back on
the tracks. The passengers were horrified . On
the next railway station the driver was caught :
He was found to be a Sardar. He was questioned.
He explained that there was a man standing on the
tracks and he was not moving from there even after
lots of honks etc. The Authorities questioned :
Sardarji are you mad! Just to save the life of
one person you put the lives of so many passengers
in danger!? You should have run over that person.
Sardarji said: Exactly! That is what i also
decided ,but this idiot started running towards
the field when the train came very close!


***********************


3) A sardar wanted to sell his old battered maruti
car which had done more than 100,000kms. Since no
body was inclined to buy it, he approached his
friend to help him dispose it off. The friend
advised him to have the mileage meter reading
reduced to around 30,000 kms so that he could tell
the prospective customer that it has been used
sparingly.The sardar liked the idea. A few weeks
later the same friend met him and enquired whether
he was able to dispose off his car. The sardar
replied, "Are you mad? Who sells a car which has
done only 30000kms!"


***********************


4) Two fast friends, Santa Singh and Banta Singh,
were great cricket fanatics. They decided that
whoever dies first will try to come back in the
dreams of the other, and tell the other about the
Cricket life in the heaven. Santa Singh dies
first. One day as Banta was fast sleep, he heard
Santa calling him. He was very happy and was
eager to know about cricket there. "So, Santa!
How is cricket in heaven?" Santa replied, "Hey
Banta, I have good news and bad news. The good
news is that tomorrow we are going to have a day &
night match here in heaven. And the bad news is
that you are the opening bowler for tommorrow's
match!"


***********************



Sardarji: "Arre yaar! I lost $1000 today
Friend: "How come?" Sardarji: "I bet $500 that
India would win the match against Pakistan and
India lost" Friend: "That explains $500. What
about the other $500?" Sardarji: "Well, later
that evening they were showing the highlights and
I bet $500 on India winning .......... again!!!!"


Sardarji praising his son who is a Civil
engineer, who just laid a road near his house.
"Wow! This is terrific! Look at the job he has
done! ............ The distance from my house to
the railway station is the same as the railway
station to my house!!!!!!!!"


One sardar came to Madras and wanted to do
shopping in burma bazaar. His tamilian friend
told the Sardar that the prices will be costly and
hence asked him to bargain for half the price.
Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for
which the vendor told 2000 Rs. Sardar asked for
Rs.1000.vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for
which sardar told no,no only Rs.900. Vendor told
ok , i will give it for 1500 Rs for which sardar
bargained for Rs.750.It was going on like this
when finally vendor out of irritation said he will
give the Sardar the stereo free of cost. Our
sardar asked whether he will give two.


Two sardarjis stayed in the same building.
One on the first floor and the other one on the
eight floor. Both were great enemies. One day
the sardarji on the eight floor thought to fool
the one on the first floor. He invited him for
dinner. When the sardarji reached the eight floor
, he found his door locked and a board at his door
" Kaisa bewkoof banaya " . Sardarji felt
embarrased and to outplay him, he wrote down:" "
Main to yaha aya hi nahi tha"


Two Sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane
in the states.They start descending and as they
touch the ground the pilot scream the runway is
ending...". The second pilot swiftly gets the
plane back up in the air... They make a big turn



and start descending again. The moment they touch
the ground, the pilot scream again "Get the plane
up, the runaway is ending...". The second pilot
swiftly gets the plane back up in the air... They
make a big turn and start descending again...
This goes on again and again. ... During their
fourth descent the pilot says : "Look at those
stupid Americans, they build this huge & expensive
airport but with such a short runaway..", ""I
know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide
they made it....""


A sardarji once took an answering machine home
in Punjab and disconnected it within a couple of
days because he was getting complaints from his
relatives like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ki
ghar pe nahin hai"


Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the
railway tracks and he takes some wine and chicken
with him. Somebody stops him and asks him "Kyon
bhai ye sab leke kyon baithe ho?" Sardarji
replies "Saali train late aati hain ........
kahin bhook se na marjaoon!"


Santa Singh had his 4th child. He fills the
data in the birth-certificate: Mother: Sikh.
Father: Sikh. Baby: Chinese. "How come you're
writing 'Chinese' when both parents are Sikh?",
asks the doctor. Santa Singh replies, "I have
read in a newspaper, that every 4th person born on
the earth now is Chinese."


A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny
object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny
object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos
flask." The sardar then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "It keeps Hot things hot and
it keeps cold things cold." The sardar says,
"I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work
with his new thermos. His sardar boss sees him
and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?"
He said, "It's a thermos flask." The boss then
says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps
hot Things hot and cold things cold." The boss
said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The sardar
replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."



What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ?
He will compare it with the original for spelling
mistakes !!


What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional
white sheet of paper ? he already has one and he
wants one more..) He takes a photcopy of the
white paper !!!


Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found
a bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV,"
he told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to
SARDARs, " he replied. He hurried home removed
his turban and changed His hair style, and
returned to tell the salesman "I would like to buy
this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars,"
Salesman replied. "Damn, he recognized me," he
thought. he went for a complete disguise this
time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big
sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again
approached the salesman. "I would like to buy
this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he
replied. Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you
know I'm a Sardar?" "Because that's a microwave,"
he replied.


Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street
which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if
he wants to buy the Clock on the Tower. Sardarji
says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll
go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and
disappeared. Having waited for several hours the
Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the
next day the Sardarji is again walking along the
same street and the same man asks him to buy the
clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get
a ladder." The Sardarji gives him the thousand
and says "I am not a fool.This time, you wait and
I'll go get a ladder."


******************************************************


SantaSingh got up in the middle of the night to


answer the telephone. "Is this one one one


one?", says the voice. "No, this is eleven


eleven." "Are you sure it isn't one one one


one?" "No, this is eleven eleven." "Well,


wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the


middle of the night." "That's all right,


mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone



anyway."


******************************************************


Once Santa Singh broke his leg when he threw
his cigarette butt down the manhole and tried to
step on it.


******************************************************


Santa Singh tried to light his cigarette. He
struck the first match on the seat of his pants,
but it wouldn't light. He tried another. It
wouldn't light. The third one finally lit. He
lit his cigarette, carefully blew the match out
and put it in his vest pocket."What for did you
put that match in your vest pocket?" "That's a
good match. I'll use it again."


******************************************************


A sardar sees lot of guys running on the


highway. Asks a bystander as to why are the


guys doing what they are doing The bystander A


Marathon race is going on Sardar : What do they


get from that? Bystander : The winner will get


a prize Sardar : Then why are the others


running?!


******************************************************


Santa Singh with two red ears went to his
doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to
his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt
and the phone rang but instead of picking up the
phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck
it to my ear.." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed
in disbelief. "But .. what happened to your
other ear?" "The scoundrel called back."


*****************************************************


Then there's the one about the Sardarji who
brought his binoculars to a funeral where they
were going to bury a distant relative of his...


#Case 1:


Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with


friends.


You order what you want, then when you see what the other


fellow
has,


you wish you had ordered that.
#Case 2:



At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you


wearing
your wedding ring on the wrong finger??"
The other replied, "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."


#Case 3:
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really
finished.


#Case 4:
Marriage is an institution in which a man losses his bachelor's
degree and the woman gets her master's.


#Case 5:
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to


get
married??"
And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying for


it."


#Case 6:
Young son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of


Africa,
a man doesn't
know his wife until he marries her??"
Dad: "That happens in most countries son."


#Case 7:
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real
happiness


was
until I got married, and then it was too late."


#Case 8:
A happy marriage is a matter of give and take;
The husband gives and the wife takes.


#Case 9:
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.
But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.


#Case 10:


Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of
marriage,
the man
speaks


and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and
the
man


listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors
listen.


#Case 11:
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was
a



fool when I


married you. "And the husband replied, "Yes, dear but I was in
love
and
didn't


notice it."
#Case 12:


A man inserted an 'add' in the classfieds:
"Wife Wanted".
The next day, he received hundreds of letters. They all said


the


same thing:
"You can have mine."
#Case 13:


When a man open the door of his car for his wife, you can be
sure
of one
thing:


Either the car is new or his wife.


** SARDARJI**


>>Do you know what sardar will do after taking xerox??
>>>>He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!!


>>Do you know what sardar will do if he wants a white paper?(he already
has one and wants more?)
>>>>He takes xerox of the white paper!!!


>>A sardar took an answering machine home and fixed up somewhere in


punjab. Two days later disconnected it because he was getting
complaints
like


"saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahi hai".


**LALOO PRASAD YADAV**


>>Once laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the
security
guard


told Laloo "WAIT PLEASE" for which Laloo replied "65kgs" and moved
on?



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Views: 22714 | Added by: nikhilr | Date: 2010-07-26 | Comments (38)